Thats Adrien Brody with the little gray hat cocked to the side (dunno if I am a huge fan of his after this film and his stage presence/conversation skills after). .jpg)
*pictures consist of just a few memories that bring a smile to my face looking back on...believe me when I say "there is more where these came from! :)" I wanted to share a few with everyone and there will probably be more to come with nothing new happening for a little bit.
It is October 5, 2010 and I am in a bit of a slump. I have fallen into a routine of going to school, teaching some amazing kids, but then coming back to the hotel wondering what I should do next. It is still too early in the morning your time to try and give my Cassie a good morning wakeup call. I usually try to find somewhere to eat. I am sick and tired and tired and sick of being in the hotel without being able to cook my own food and being forced to eat out. I have had my apartment keys for over a week but am waiting on my furniture allowance. Once I receive that, I will be able to purchase my appliances and furniture to move in. I will then have full access to the internet hopefully and be able to start skyping and catching up with everyone on facebook.
I have been very lonely lately. I truly miss home and miss family, friends and the love of my life. I truly thought I was ready for a move like this, a move where I would be alone, but preparing for my future and family one day. I never thought the alone/down time would be this hard. December cannot come soon enough when I get to see one very important girl. I wish everyone could rotate and I could have a visitor each month, believe me, if I had some more of this oil money, I would fly you over. I am seeking the Lord and am putting in a lot of effort to spend time with him. I have yet to find a church and am in need of that time with God as well. I miss Sundays with Cassie and my family. Going to church then going to my parents for some good home cooking and family time was always a highlight of my week. It was time where Cass and I finally got time to spend with each other and were not tied down to teaching, golf, volleyball or softball. We were free from our weekly obligations and able to build more memories together with my family. Memories that I will never forget. Memories I look forward to re-visiting someday.
Memories seem to go through my head a lot these days. It is all I have to hold on to until I get to create more memories when December comes. I feel like once I get into my apartment and have internet access to be able to keep in touch with everyone more often; it will help the time go by faster. This is an amazing city but I am too far away to do it on my own. I need someone else to experience it with. The access to the rest of the world you get from this city is amazing, in terms of travel and I do not want to travel alone. I know in the grand scheme of things, this is what I need to be doing and know that this is a great opportunity for me to jump start my career and bank account, but the money cannot cover the loneliness. I don’t know for sure if I will be back another year, let alone the two more I am expected to be…that decision is still to be decided with the help of a special someone. Teamwork is much needed in order to make a decision like that and I am willing to go either way.
That is what a relationship is all about, love/passion and compromise. She has her passions and I have mine, but when it all comes down to it...we just want to be together. We want to be near each other and not forced to be apart. She made a point a couple weeks ago of that she at times almost feels like she is single again and at first it hurt me to hear that and still does hurt me to even write it. However, the truth is...she is right. Being this far apart from each other takes its toll on a person. Deep down you know you have a boyfriend/girlfriend and know that you are madly in love with them, but you don't get the privilege of seeing them, talking to them, holding them, etc whenever you want to and that gets old. It can tend to become the norm and you get so caught up being busy in what you are doing (school, sports, career, whatever) and you can forget what it feels like to hold the person you love or kiss the person you love. Believe me though Cassie...I have not forgotten and will never forget that feeling. It has been almost 3 years together and there is nothing that will take that feeling away from me. The butterflies I get when I write you or get to hear your voice are the feelings I look forward to feeling each day. Your hugs and our times of just laying on the couch with my arms around you are times I will never forget, nor do I ever want to forget them. I know I will be happy again when I am with her in the grand scheme of things and know that that time is near, but in the sort term vision I have been stuck in, it makes things difficult and emotionally heartbreaking. I know this is a bit mushy and I am sorry, but I feel everyone needs to know this and it can be taken to heart by everyone!
I have the most amazing family and girlfriend in the world and they are all helping me get through this with much needed talks of support and comfort. I cannot thank them enough for all they do and the encouragement they give me while I am here. I know it is hard on them and they have expressed that, but they have each other to talk to, to hold, to hug, to see and that is HUGE. Don’t let anyone ever tell you it will be easy going alone for a long period of time. It won’t be easy. At least for me it hasn’t! Give you family, friends and loved ones the support and recognition they deserve and show them how much you love them. We tend to take for granted the time we get when we get it every single day and have access to it whenever we want. But believe me, when the time comes where that easy access is gone, it is tough, sad and hard. To be honest, we never know when that time will come either. Take advantage of the time you have with your loved ones, they deserve the time they want with you, just as you deserve every minute you want with them.
Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter are going to be hard being away from family. I am used to spending Thanksgiving with my family. I am used to spending Christmas with my family and as of recently, the Bishop/Altman family as well (they have made me feel like family since the beginning!!). This year, I get Christmas/New Years with Cass and am so incredibly thankful for that. I am used to going down to Cassie' parents with her for Easter and spending the weekend there. These are going to be speed bumps for me and I dont want anyone back home to take these times with family for granted. They are special and need the recognition and love they deserve.
I know that this blog is not giving a whole lot of information of what is going on here, but that is because there is not much going on currently. I may make it up to Dubai for the weekend to visit a couple friends up there and get to work out like I was used to back home. Other than that, not much news, but I wanted to tell you at least how I have been feeling and what I have been thinking. If any of you read this and get to see my Cassie or my family, would you do me the favor of giving them a big hug for me? I would greatly appreciate that and just tell them I love them and miss them. Hope all is well back in the states and look forward to talking to people soon.
A&F
